People suck. Bet you didn’t expect that statement first. Honestly I cringe when I hear people say that. I cringe even harder when a colleague says it. So definitive and so damning. No “except”, no “some”, no exceptions.
As a quick example of how this type of statement hurts us think about your morning drive. There you are driving and you think there is plenty of room to get over. That silly highway interchange where you will be diverted to the toll road if you don’t move to the center lane sneaks up on you every time. This morning a woman is driving a large SUV with a sad looking teen in her passenger seat. “Move over” you shout in your metal silo. “Ugh, what the hell is she doing?” you think as she seems to ignore your honking. Sure enough, you can’t get over and dang if this isn’t going to cost you $1.50 and an additional 10 minutes on the road. And surely most people at work will hear about this from you when you eventually get there.
self-compassion is about seeing the humanity in all of this and the temporary nature of making errors. With Self-Compassion you may take a different approach to the whole scene. Instead of honking at all you use your blinker. When you notice the other driver does not notice you sub-consciously think of alternate reasons for her not letting you over. “Gosh, she must have a lot on her mind.” When you miss the interchange your alternate thought is “thankfully I left early, I won’t be late.”. In the most open of mindsets you may even think “I could challenge myself, if I avoid this for a week I am buying a fancy coffee with the money I save.”
if you have not heard of self-compassion this may sound like unbridled positivity. It is not. Self-compassion is seeing things in the moment and recognizing that what is before us is human experience and our response drives our emotions. I want to have a driver who is thoughtful, kind, and keeps safety on par with efficiency. If you agree, then read on…